Surrender

I struggle with being a sensitive man.

I kind of hate it

It's useful for making art but it's hard to deal with the huge swings in emotions.

It doesn't help that I come from an immigrant culture where men aren't allowed to have feelings. At least not feelings outside of anger.

My 20s were so challenging that I got addicted to YouTube and Podcasts to numb myself. Consuming content made it easier to vibe with the worst parts of my lived experience.

The problem with this “great strategy” is that you also numb the good feelings. Which made it impossible to find my creative voice or art style.

I wasn't able to tune into what I actually cared about in the art because I was too afraid of the silence. You can't hear the whispers of the muse without silence.

So now I am surrendering to this side of me. Leaving myself fully open to the dark feelings so I can create beauty out of it.

Transmuting the pain into beauty.